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At some time point in your life you have experienced bullying in some fashion. If the behavior was not addressed you assumed that it was acceptable behavior. Recent situations that have been reported in the media reflect how the behavior has gone unaddressed and we see people in positions of power using that to gain the upper hand in feeding their undesirable needs. It is far easier to ignore the issue, to ignore the victim in these situations than it is to address the behavior.
I have been subject of bullying and it is not an experience that I wish to repeat too many times. Bullying can take place at any stage of our life and at any age. Who is the bully may come as a surprise. Victims have no age restrictions and neither do bullies. I have seen incidents of bullying taking place even amongst family members. How can we address the behavior when it is so deeply rooted in all aspects of our lives?
There are lots of studies that have been done and I have provided some links to a couple. If you don’t think it is a global problem then it is time for you to do some reading. Bullying continues to be a global problem with not a lot of effort put on resolving the issue.
What can happen if we do nothing? We need to think of the impact on people and organizations. Individuals that are subjected to bullying behavior will end up with health issues whether they be mental or physical at some stage. If they are subjected to the behavior early enough in their life they too will likely become a bully. Victims of bullying have a lost sense of purpose. It is like someone took away their self-worth and they have become a mere shell of who they actually could be.
I have seen situations where bullying has ripped a family apart like each and every one had actually been subjected to the bad behavior. No one to turn to. No one that cares. We don’t address the root cause and prefer to just accept what is as it is the lesser of two evils. I have also seen the effects of where bullying behaviors have been internalized for decades causing unnecessary health issues, added pressure and the feeling that it was all their fault and not the bully’s. That literally ripped my heart out.
I have seen situations where mentoring has been a help to some folks who have been subjected to this behavior. I have spent time getting to understand and feel the pain and to be there to walk beside them as they finally deal with the trauma of being a victim of bullying. We all have a part to play in this global epidemic. Standing on the side lines and observing is not one of them. Any of the wonderful people that I have been blessed to spend time with that were dealing with bullying now and in the past have been appreciative of the mentoring process. We have made sure that they received professional help when and where it was required but we took ownership of the relationship and were by their side when needed. That is “The Gift of Mentoring” at work. This is a call to action – unleash the “Gift of Mentoring” and let’s attack this global issue together. Together we can make a difference and together we can share “The Gift of Mentoring” – “can we afford not to?”
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I sat and listened to the experiences that were being shared of bullying in the work place and the impact that it was having on employees of that organization. I was saddened that it was yet another law enforcement agency that was overcome by this poisonous behavior. This news resonated with me more than you can imagine as I come from a law enforcement background having spent close to 25 years in a police force. The behavior existed then and it obviously still exists now. An investigation resulted with corrective action taken but it was like pouring a five gallon can of water on a raging forest fire. It was almost as if it was too big to wrap our heads around what the root cause was and make the required changes.
These examples are not just evident in law enforcement organizations as they do exist outside of that realm. I have done some work with organizations in the private sector that realized there was a problem and realized that they as leaders needed to do something. They wanted to see change in their organization and were willing to do what it took to make that change happen. They were the brave leaders that would be accountable for the way things were today and would be accountable for the outcomes when they actually addressed the problem head on.
I take my hat off to those leaders and to leaders in the future that are willing to take the steps to change their culture from one of negativity and toxicity to that of a positive work environment focused on learning and development with personal and professional growth for everyone. These leaders will invest in their employees and their well-being as that is what makes an organization great. This is a life long journey, not one that we can pour five gallons of water on and hope the fire has gone out.
Mentoring can play a huge role if done properly in the majority of these situations. Mentoring does create that learning and development environment and does create opportunities for collaboration based on trusted relationships and effective communication. Implementing mentoring into an organization struggling with a toxic culture would be like shoving a square peg into a round hole. Not likely going to happen. What I strongly recommend is a culture assessment to determine mentor readiness. What will come out of this engagement is a better understanding of the pain points in the organization and potential solutions to address those pain points. Some common themes that we have seen so far have been issues with building trust, issues with building relationships and a lack of effective communication. All of these are foundational pieces that would help in the implementation of a mentoring program or a mentoring culture. They are also what we would be looking for in an organization that wants to create a work place environment free from bullying, sexual harassment, and intimidation to name but a few. We want to create an organization where diversity and inclusion become cornerstones for the work place culture supported by mentoring programs and/or mentoring cultures.
The journey will take time. Remember that your organization’s culture was not created overnight and has evolved to what it is today over time. Fear not though as good leadership that embrace the “gift of mentoring” and who want to create that positive work place culture will pull together to make the changes required. They are the leaders that get up in the morning and can look at themselves in the mirror and are proud of what they see. It is time for the leaders in your organization to look into the mirror and decide if they like what they see. Hopefully they will embrace the “gift of mentoring” and will begin the journey to create that work place culture we all dream about, after all “can they afford not to?”
References:
I had an awesome conversation yesterday with Ginger Braaten who is the Program Director at JBFKids.com. I would highly recommend that you check out their website – www.jbfkids.com.
We share a common passion for proactively addressing the sickness that has no boundaries and infects not only our youth but also adults. That sickness is "bullying". Bullying knows no boundaries and takes place in family environments, communities, schools and work places. We are all aware of the issue as it is in the news a lot lately. In fact most of us have either experienced it personally or have been a witness to it but have likely done nothing to prevent it or stop the behavior when it happens. If you were to take a moment and think back over your life you can likely recall a time and a place where you were a bully, a victim, or a bully-victim. You may have grown up in a family environment where that behavior was resident and over time you assumed that it was appropriate because no one said otherwise. You carried on with that behavior as you went through school and are now in the work force. You likely don't understand nor do you care to understand the impact that you may have as a bully on others – close personal friends, family members, members of the community that you live in, your work place and the school(s) that your children are now attending.
You may well be one of the lucky ones that have not been subject to bullying but you have likely seen it taking place and made a personal decision to do nothing about it. You may well be a parent and have had your children advise you that they had been cyber-bullied by someone in the school. Chances are you did nothing about that as only 5% of parents actually engage with the school when a bullying situation takes place that involves their children. You may well not even monitor what they are doing online. There is a common misconception that nothing can be done about cyberbullying since it happens over the internet. This is not true. With the help of Digital Forensic Experts, it is possible to find out who is responsible for the bullying and legal charges can also be brought against them.
When it comes to bullying in the schools it is not the teacher's responsibility to deal with bullying on their own. This is a problem that impacts our entire community so we have shoulder some of that responsibility. Think of it more so as being accountable for the outcomes.
The evidence exists in numerous studies that have been done that support the theory that bullying at a tender age has far reaching impacts in a number of areas once we reach adulthood. The impact is both physical and mental and can extend into the work place where it can have an impact on productivity and profitability for an organization.
It doesn't have to be this way, though. If we approach this collaboratively and act as a community tasked with combating a sickness we can make a difference. In one of the surveys that was done the results showed that 62% of the people that were bullied believed that a volunteer mentor would have helped them cope. The survey also found that 85% of the respondents believed that providing youngsters who bully with a volunteer mentor is an effective way to reduce bullying.
Imagine what this would look like. Implement peer to peer mentoring in the schools at the early ages; elementary, high school and then university/college. Provide them with the tools to be effective at mentoring. Provide them with a senior resource that they can go to when they are dealing with a situation that is beyond their capability. Perhaps that senior resource is a retired school teacher who would like to continue to give back and leave a legacy. With these tools in place and this continuum of learning and development we have created a positive transition into the work place. In the work place we can continue to leverage the "power of mentoring" to implement mentoring programs but more importantly mentoring cultures to continue the learning and development environment.
You can see what we have created – a continuum of learning and development that creates an environment where bullying is addressed as a community. It is not one person's responsibility but it becomes everyone's responsibility. We are all accountable for the outcomes.
It is time to deal with this as a community – can we afford not to?
References:
1. http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/half-of-canadians-report-being-bullied-as-youth-1.1138875
2. http://www.microsoft.com/presspass/emea/presscentre/pressreleases/June2012/26-06GlobalYouth.mspx
3. http://www.cihr-irsc.gc.ca/e/45838.html
4. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/02/20/effects-of-bullying-last-into-adulthood-study-finds/?_r=0
5. Ginger Braaten – www.jbfkids.com