Today there is an emptiness and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I miss her and wish that we were spending time together like we use to. I would even settle for quality time together raking lives before the wind blows them all over. Debra use to marvel at how everyone else’s leaves would end up in our yard and it seemed that every year we were blessed with adding yet another bag to the collection.

We got through all of that and smiled the whole time. When she got sick and we were not sure what it was that she had she kept smiling. When we wondered if raking all though leaves was part of the issue so she kept smiling. When it was painful to get out of bed in the morning she kept smiling.

This morning, I was searching for something. I wasn’t sure for what but I knew that I had to find something that I could draw on, something that would keep me smiling so I began my quest.

I started to type into my computer and sure enough that bought a glimmer of a smile to my face but it went away shortly thereafter and it was back to the beginning again back to trying to figure out what would keep me smiling.

I stumbled across a phrase, a sentence that was powerful that I had to share it with you.

https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/12311484-love-came-first-you-don-t-move-on-after-loss-but

Having lost the one that could make me smile and keep me smiling this phrase and the supporting poems has so much meaning.

Grief exists because Love existed first says it all. I think of times when Debra was sick and the one thing that kept us together, kept a smile on our face no matter how challenging and it was our love for each other. As the clock kept ticking away and she had to ensure another night of pain we knew that our love was going to keep us together. We remembered that love always exists first and is the only thing that can push all else out of the way.

Towards the end when the outcome was fairly certain I believe that I had started my grieving journey. I also knew that I would have to be strong for all and that I had this enormous amount of love which was going to guide me and be beside me on my healing journey because,

Grief Exists Because Love Existed First