February 6^th, 2021 was the toughest day that I have ever experienced and a day that was filled with sadness, sorrow and a whole bunch of unknown. That was the day that I lost Debra, my partner for life to cancer. She had so much more love to share with others for her to be gone. We had so much more living to do, things to see, places to go. She was only 62 and it wasn’t her time yet to depart, or so I thought. So early – it wasn’t fair. I asked myself over and over again what could I have done to change the outcome. I was to be her protector and I obviously had failed. Why couldn’t it have been me. What was the criteria that had Debra pass before me? Did I do something wrong that factored in to why she was to pass before me.

All these questions kept percolating in my mind as I tried to rationalize what had taken place and begin the grieving process. I struggled with believing that there was a process that I would have to go through. All the things that would need to be taken care of – that we were going to do together now rested on my shoulders. Why didn’t I get the extra time to spend with her to tell her how much I loved her and how much she means to me. Life without her would seem meaningless – there would be no purpose in what I would do. I would go through the day on auto-pilot.

Over a year has past and I spend a lot of my days filled with memories of things we did together and days where we shared what each other had done. We laughed, offered advice, listened and sometimes cried together at different lived experiences we had been a part of that day. Some were success stories, some were things we needed to work on, and some were learnings that each had experienced that would make our relationship stronger. Now all of that are memories. This is part of that grieving process.

Were those memories going to be strong enough to help me get to wherever it is that I am suppose to be going without Debra by my side? Little things seem to kick my emotions into overdrive and I wonder if I am loosing my mind some days. My mental sharpness is not what it was and that worries me.

I drive past the hospital where she had passed and it triggers memories of my back and forth to the hospital to visit her and eventually for her to pass. Tears run down my cheeks as I drive past where I had parked my car to go and spend time with her. The window where I had remote started my car from so I could go home and grab a couple of hours sleep before going back to the hospital.

I had moments where I was depressed especially when I tried to imagine what life would be like without Debra. I kept asking myself what could I have done different or better. Some things there are no real answers for the many questions that I had. People tell me that I just need to keep moving. Moving where and why? More questions.

I look forward to Monday as I can focus my attention on work related activities. I hate week-ends as I find myself alone. Week-ends were a special time as Debra and I would do all kinds of things but we did them together. That togetherness was priceless – even more so now.

I have noticed that my mental health isn’t where I think it should be. I wanted to share with you what I have been going through as mental health is a significant issue today and we don’t seem to be allocating the time to it that we should.

I am just one person and I was able to get closure but not everyone is that fortunate. Think of the 5.9M people that died due to COVID and all their families that may not have been able to get closure. Debra passed in February and we could not celebrate her life until August. Some people were not even able to do that. Not getting closure plays on your mental health and mental well-being. Think of the families of the approximately 59M people that die annually and the impact that it has on their friends and families. It is no wonder that our mental health is in the state that it is.

Just having someone to talk to is so important. Someone that is non-judgmental. Someone that can build a trusted relationship with you. That is where having a mentor that will walk beside you as you begin your healing journey. Grief is part of your mental health and mental well-being and mentoring can be a part of your support structure. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help. It is so important that you tap into a support structure which would include a mentor and work together on your healing journey.

Mentoring and your mental health – a journey of healing and support.

https://www.camh.ca/en/camh-news-and-stories/coping-with-loss-and-grief

https://ourworldindata.org/grapher/number-of-deaths-per-year

Is this your story?

It doesn't have to be!

I don’t know why society has labelled us as crazy. The more that I hear that I begin to believe that maybe that is the case. Maybe I am crazy. I have days where I just want to open the door and reach out hoping that there is someone there that would take my hand and offer to help me. There is so much darkness and I don’t feel that I can navigate it on my own. I just need one person to be there for me. Today there is no one, and yesterday there was no one. I am beginning to wonder if this picture will change. Will there be that one person who cares enough to take my hand and help me out of the closet? This is what I may have to face if I do come out of my closet.

“Each year millions of Americans with mental illness struggle to find mental health care. Nearly half of the 60 million adults and children living with mental health conditions in the United States go without any treatment. People who seek treatment must navigate a fragmented and costly system full of obstacles. As a result, many people cannot access mental health care when they need it most.” (https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Publications-Reports/Public-Policy-Reports/The-Doctor-is-Out)

“According to the World Health Organization, around 450 million people currently struggle with mental illness, making it the leading cause of disability worldwide. Here at home, it affects more than 6.7 million of us. In fact, one in two Canadians have—or have had—a mental illness by the time they reach 40 years of age.” (https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real)

“Mental illness is a leading cause of disability in this country, preventing nearly 500,000 employed Canadians from attending work each week.

All in, the economic burden of mental illness in Canada is an estimated $51 billion per year including health care costs, lost productivity and reductions in health-related quality of life.

Opioid overdoses now account for more deaths in Canada than automobile accidents.

 The World Health Organization estimates one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds.

 Over 4,000 Canadians die by suicide every year—an average of 11 per day.”

(https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real)

 We need to know that there is help there, but we do need to reach out. I know that you have reached out in the past and no one was there. The demand for resources to help you navigate your healing journey is extremely high and yet we have not done much to increase the number of support people that can be there. We are not always listening and hearing what you want – even if it is someone to talk to that will listen and hear what you are saying. Someone that is non-judgmental.

I have found that a journey mentor can be part of that support structure. They can listen and hear what you are saying and do so without passing judgment. They will walk beside you as you continue to work on the healing that needs to take place. They are the hand that you reach out for as you make that decision to begin your healing process. They care and want your well-being to be a priority.

Let your journey mentor be there for you. It is okay to reach out and say, “I need help”.

Mentoring is the practice of helping a mentee learn and grow personally and professionally while navigating through change and challenge.

There is much debate whether a mentor can be effective for their mentee if they have not already lived through a similar experience. This is called lived experience.

“Lived experience refers to a representation of the experiences and choices of a given person, and the knowledge that they gain from these experiences and choices.” (Wikipedia definition)

What do you think? Should mentors without lived experience mentor outside their experience?

My easy answer is that having industry experience is a nice to have, not a need to have; that industry specific experience is not required to bring value to the mentoring arrangement.

My longer answer is …

The primary goal for a mentor is to establish a trusted relationship with the mentee. In order to develop that level of trust the mentor utilizes the Questioning Technique (Socratic Method) by asking a series of questions about the mentee, about the organization they work for, and about the role/function they’re responsible for.

By building this level of trust the mentor demonstrates their interest in the mentee, solidifying the relationship and unlocking critical information and details to move forward in their mentoring arrangement.

My Direct Experience

I have worked with people from many different industries over the course of my career. I have had great success with individuals using the questioning technique of the Socratic Method to discover a deeper, richer understanding of who each individual is, where they work, and the challenges they face.

My own direct lived experience comes into play with being able to story tell/story share my lived experiences in order to guide my mentee along their journey. I try to make sure that my stories are relatable and provide some context for the mentee to reflect on.

Some of the outcomes that you may realize from using this technique is that your mentee may experience a higher level of self-esteem and self-confidence. Your mentee may feel safe in your presence as they reflect on the experiences that you have shared, the outcomes you realized and the impact it had on them overall. I have had mentees go back to work in a positive state of mind resulting in them being more productive.

Going into this arrangement with industry specific experience I would have had some bias that would have impacted the arrangement. I would not have made the gains in building a trusted relationship that I did without the industry specific experience. My mentee would have missed out on the reflective exercises and would not have had that sense or feeling of safety as a result of this process.

In conclusion, not having industry specific experience actually creates a deeper, richer mentoring experience for the mentee and the mentor.  This is accomplished through the questioning technique as it probes deeper into the behaviors and challenges that the mentee has been exposed to. The mentor is able to get to the root cause and initiate a behavior change that results in the mentee returning to the productive employee that they were.  WHY?!

If you would like to learn more about this topic contact me to set up a time for us to chat.

For more information about Mentoring Lived Experience and other Mentoring topics - feel free to set up a Zoom call at your convenience through my Calendly link; https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence

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Doug Lawrence is the founder of TalentC® and Co-founder of the International Mentor Community.

Doug leads organizations to experience the benefits how mentoring will encourage workforce culture to flow in harmony (mentors), improve productivity from employees (mentees), reducing costly employee onboarding improving the bottom line (organizations).

Doug is an International Certified Mentor, and has obtained his Certificate of Achievement – Mentoring and his Certificate of Competence – Mentor from the International Mentoring Community (IMC). Doug is currently obtaining his Certificate of Competence – Journey Mentor.

Doug’s Practice of Mentoring has resulted in his accumulation of 2,000 hours of mentoring (in person and virtual), 197 hours of speaking opportunities and 672 hours teaching others how to effectively mentor.

Doug is a volunteer mentor with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur Program in the Caribbean and with the American Corporate Partners in the United States working with military personnel in their transition from military life to civilian life. Doug is currently working with researchers to examine the role of mentoring as a support for those struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His experience in law enforcement coupled with working with people suffering from PTSD has afforded him a unique view of mentoring and PTSD.

Doug is an international speaker and author about all facets of Mentoring. He published “The Gift of Mentoring” in 2014 with his second book set to publish in 2020.

Doug works with organizations to establish mentoring programs, influence mentoring as a culture, and provides one-on-one direct mentoring for individuals of all backgrounds and levels globally.

Contact Doug directly to discover how mentoring can improve your organization.

>>  https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence

Making Sense of Self Isolation Mandates and Sudden Mass Lay-Offs

We live during an unprecedented global pandemic. Many employees of organization big and small are in flux, feeling the impact of uncertainty, anxiety, and a sense of loss of control. Disruption and doubt are their new routine.

The employees in my mentoring circles are experiencing stress at a level they have never been subjected to before. For others unable to cope with mounting stress and uncertainty, if left unchecked, have the potential to develop symptoms far more serious than ever before, and without resources required to support them.

We also understand that Employers, HR, and C-Suite are under similar stressors for different reasons. It is not just the ones who are at the working level who are under pressure, but also the senior executives of a company too might have to undergo a lot of stress during these trying times, which have led to physical and mental ailments. These problems could potentially lead to bigger consequences, leading to the disruption of business as well. For cases such as this, business owners could opt to get key person insurance for the employees who they deem to be essential for the company.

To be fair, organizations have no policy or process to counter the COVID-19 and no lead time to address it at the expense of their employees because nobody saw this pandemic coming. No one had the support structure in place to deal with post-traumatic stress caused by the mass employee layoffs and the sudden skeleton crews.

Perhaps, if the wellness and healthy lifestyle of the employees were kept in check with group health insurance jacksonville fl or similar other health insurance, the companies could have tackled the times better. This could have also helped in improving employee morale and decreasing employee absenteeism.

Employee Compared to Organization Perspective:

Currently, employees are experiencing high anxiety and stress with the uncertainty.

In just a few weeks, concern replaces confidence that their employment will resume when the threat is over. They have no assurances their job will be waiting for them once the situation normalizes. Many employees are not eligible for short-term employment, but they still must feed their families. There is still no end-date on the duration for self-isolation and social distancing. Employees are beginning to lose hope, affecting not only their physical health, but their mental health as well. Many already:

• See the world entirely in negatives
• Disengage with family and friends
• Mask feelings into alcohol and drug abuse, etc.,
• Increased anxiety
• Sense of being overwhelmed
• Become highly depressed and suicidal

The reality is employee health is declining from mass stress and anxiety.

The question is, what resources can organizations put in place to assure employees?

Currently, organizations are in a state of flux.

Organizations want to continue providing services, products, and programs to their customers. They want to continue providing for their employees. However, organizations struggle to provide either with the constantly changing landscape. Organizations are severely limited by the bottom line. To keep their doors open and the lights on, is sometimes at the cost of employee's financial, physical, and mental well-being.

Expectation over the next One to Three (1 to 3) Months:

Well into the pandemic (one to three months in) employee stress levels mount with continuing unemployment and the funds to support their families running out. Employees scramble to figure out when their funds will run out. They hope that the supply chains continue to provide the necessities.

Most organizations may have viewed the global pandemic as being something short lived. As a result, organization may fall short continuing to provide services, products, and programs to clients and their employees. Some organizations especially the small to medium sized will struggle most and face the tough decision whether to finally fold or continue to struggle to remain solvent.

Contemplating the future does not appear bright.

However, there will be an end to the pandemic. There will be a new norm and a sudden swarm of available jobs.

This unprecedented situation does provide a unique opportunity for organizations to pause and consider, evaluate, and prioritize their challenges. They can use this downtime to revise old systems and integrate new solutions for the future.

Including effective mentoring at this stage will assist organizations by providing the support and the resources employees desperately need.

A program that trains mentors on the process of working with struggling employees will yield better physical and mental stability to addressing feelings of anxiety, periods of stress, and get them past dark or negative thoughts.

Several recruiters also seem to be seeking graduates in Clinical Exercise Prescription. This can be because these graduates would be able to prescribe exercise as a part of the healthcare treatment regime for their employees. Moreover, the exercises recommended by experts might be helpful for the employees in overcoming stress and anxiety.

Therefore, it is never too late to bring in a qualified mentor (or other experts) to start the healing process. Now is the time to put effective mentoring to work to create that workplace (however virtual) to focus on the work community and ensuring employees' well-being.

If you want more information of how your organization can get support through effective mentoring, don't hesitate to book an appointment >> https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence

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Doug Lawrence is the founder of TalentC and Co-founder of the International Mentor Community.

Doug leads organizations to experience the benefits how mentoring will encourage workforce culture to flow in harmony (mentors), improve productivity from employees (mentees), reducing costly employee onboarding improving the bottom line (organizations).

Doug is an International Certified Mentor Practitioner (ICMP), an International Certified Mentor Facilitator (ICMF), and has obtained his Certificate of Achievement – Mentoring and his Certificate of Competence – Mentor from the International Mentoring Community (IMC).

Doug's Practice of Mentoring has resulted in his accumulation of 2,000 hours of mentoring (in person and virtual), 197 hours of speaking opportunities and 672 hours teaching others how to effectively mentor.

Doug is a volunteer mentor with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur Program in the Caribbean and with the American Corporate Partners in the United States working with military personnel in their transition from military life to civilian life. Doug is currently working with researchers to examine the role of mentoring as a support for those struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His experience in law enforcement coupled with working with people suffering from PTSD has afforded him a unique view of mentoring and PTSD.

Doug is an international speaker and author about all facets of Mentoring. He published "The Gift of Mentoring" in 2014 with his second book set to publish in 2020.

Doug works with organizations to establish mentoring programs, influence mentoring as a culture, and provides one-on-one direct mentoring for individuals of all backgrounds and levels globally.

Contact Doug directly to discover how mentoring can improve your organization.

>> https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence

I am asked on numerous occasions to respond to questions regarding mentoring, mentoring process and how mentoring can bring value to individuals and/or organizations. Here is a question I received recently and my response.

What is the difference between Coaching, Mentoring, and Reverse Mentoring?

Mentoring: Ongoing relationship that can last for a long period of time

Coaching: Relationship generally has a set duration

Mentoring: Can be more informal and meetings can take place as and when the mentee needs some advice, guidance or support

Coaching: Generally more structured in nature and meetings are scheduled on a regular basis

Mentoring: More long-term and takes a broader view of the person

Coaching: Short-term (sometimes time-bounded) and focused on specific development areas/issues

Mentoring: Mentor may be more experienced and qualified than the ‘mentee’ but does not have to be. It is a two way trusted relationship. May be a senior person in the organization who can pass on knowledge, experience and open doors to otherwise out-of-reach opportunities. Mentoring is about guiding the mentee to the answers not telling. Industry experience is a nice to have not a need to have.

Coaching: Coaching is generally not performed on the basis that the coach needs to have direct experience of their client’s formal occupational role, unless the coaching is specific and skills-focused

Mentoring: Focus is on career and personal development

Coaching: Focus is generally on development/issues at work

Mentoring: Agenda is set by the mentee, with the mentor providing support and guidance to prepare them for future roles

Coaching: The agenda is focused on achieving specific, immediate goals

Mentoring: Mentoring resolves more around developing the mentee professionally and personally. Focus initially should be on the personal development.

Coaching: Coaching revolves more around specific development areas/issues

Reverse Mentoring: Has been a term used to describe a younger person mentoring a much older person. (Mentoring in the use of technology when the mentor is a much older and technology challenged). This is an outdated terminology as mentoring is described now as a two way trusted relationship where the mentor and mentee will learn and grow together on a personal and professional basis.

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I am asked on numerous occasions to respond to questions regarding mentoring, mentoring process and how mentoring can bring value to individuals and/or organizations. Here is a question I received recently and my response.

Will a bully make a good corporate leader?

No.

We don’t need or want a bully at the helm of the organization. What happens when this occurs is that the good employees will leave because they can. I have seen this in a number of situations where a leader or leaders were bullying. Bullying is a way to mask insecurity and it can lead to Mental Health issues for the victims of bullying. Mental Health issues when not addressed properly in an organization can result in increased sick time and lost productivity. More importantly it can also cause pain and suffer for someone that does not need to experience pain and suffering.

Bullying is not good for the organization, their clients and their employees. It is not a leadership trait - never has been and never will be.

I am asked on numerous occasions to respond to questions regarding mentoring, mentoring process and how mentoring can bring value to individuals and/or organizations. Here is a question I received recently and my response.

What are the four main stages of mentoring?

There are a number of different viewpoints on this topic with responses ranging from 3 to as many as 10 stages in the mentoring relationship.

I have broken it down into three.

Trusting phase: This is during the very early stages of the mentoring relationship where expectations of each participant are discussed and defined. This is where it is very important that trust be developed between the two participants. Building a trusted relationship will provide the foundation to move forward with your mentoring relationship. It is important for the mentor to be whole as a person. This may take only a few sessions or it may take a while to develop the level of trust needed to move forward.

Learning and Development phase: This is where you will spend a large part of your time as a mentor/mentee. This is where the “heavy lifting” takes place in the mentoring relationship. You will explore personal growth challenges as well as professional (career related) challenges. You may encounter challenges such as self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence. I call these the “self-challenges”. This phase can go on for a long period of time.

Maintenance phase: You may reach a time where the mentor and mentee decide that you have addressed the majority of the challenges and that you feel you no longer need to meet on a regular basis. With the Maintenance phase you can agree to meet less frequently or not at all. What I do recommend is for mentors to check in every so often to see how things are going. I periodically check in either via email or in person depending on the location of my mentee. If things are going well we can stay in the Maintenance phase and if they are not then we can transition back to the Learning and Development phase.

Looking at the stages/phases in this manner keeps the mentoring process less complicated.

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Doug Lawrence is the founder of TalentC® and co-founder of the International Mentoring Community (IMC).

Doug leads organizations to experience the benefits how mentoring will encourage workforce culture to flow in harmony (mentors), improve productivity from employees (mentees), reducing costly employee onboarding improving the bottom line (organizations).

Doug is an International Certified Mentor Practitioner (ICMP), an International Certified Mentor Facilitator (ICMF), and has obtained his Certificate of Achievement – Mentoring and his Certificate of Competence – Mentor from the International Mentoring Community (IMC).

Doug’s Practice of Mentoring has resulted in his accumulation of 1,950 hours of mentoring (in person and virtual), 200 hours of speaking opportunities and 672 hours teaching others how to effectively mentor.

Doug is recognized as a “Most viewed writer in the Business Mentoring and Mentors and Mentoring categories on the Quora website (www.quora.com).

Doug is a volunteer mentor with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur Program in the Caribbean and with the American Corporate Partners in the United States working with military personnel in their transition from military life to civilian life.

Doug is currently working with researchers to examine the role of mentoring as a support for those struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His experience in law enforcement coupled with working with people suffering from PTSD has afforded him a unique view of mentoring and PTSD.

Doug is an international speaker and author about all facets of Mentoring. He published “The Gift of Mentoring” in 2014 with his second book set to publish in 2020.

Doug works with organizations to establish mentoring programs, influence mentoring as a culture, and provides one-on-one direct mentoring for individuals of all backgrounds and levels globally.

Contact Doug directly to discover how mentoring can improve your organization.

>>  https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence

I am asked on numerous occasions to respond to questions regarding mentoring, mentoring process and how mentoring can bring value to individuals and/or organizations. Here is a question I received recently and my response.

Q: Does every successful person have a mentor in their life, or are some just self-taught?

A: Everyone can benefit from an effective mentor. Here are some excerpts from various research that you should be aware of:

1. 70 percent of mentored businesses survive more than five years, double the rate for non-mentored small businesses over that same period.
2. The same study, conducted by UPS, showed that 88 percent of business owners say having a mentor to lean on is "invaluable."
3. While more than 75% of professional men and women want to have a mentor, only 37% have one.

An effective mentor will facilitate an environment where you will learn and grow personally and professionally. Out of that will come some elements of self-taught as you discover different approaches and philosophies to you day to day challenges. My suggestion/recommendation is to find that effective mentor that will walk beside you on your journey.

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Doug Lawrence is the founder of TalentC®.

Doug leads organizations to experience the benefits how mentoring will encourage workforce culture to flow in harmony (mentors), improve productivity from employees (mentees), reducing costly employee onboarding improving the bottom line (organizations).

Doug is an International Certified Mentor Practitioner (ICMP), an International Certified Mentor Facilitator (ICMF), and has obtained his Certificate of Achievement – Mentoring and his Certificate of Competence – Mentor from the International Mentoring Community (IMC).

Doug’s Practice of Mentoring has resulted in his accumulation of 1,950 hours of mentoring (in person and virtual), 200 hours of speaking opportunities and 672 hours teaching others how to effectively mentor.

Doug is recognized as a “Most viewed writer in the Business Mentoring and Mentors and Mentoring categories on the Quora website (www.quora.com).

Doug is a volunteer mentor with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur Program in the Caribbean and with the American Corporate Partners in the United States working with military personnel in their transition from military life to civilian life.

Doug is currently working with researchers to examine the role of mentoring as a support for those struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His experience in law enforcement coupled with working with people suffering from PTSD has afforded him a unique view of mentoring and PTSD.

Doug is an international speaker and author about all facets of Mentoring. He published “The Gift of Mentoring” in 2014 with his second book set to publish in 2020.

Doug works with organizations to establish mentoring programs, influence mentoring as a culture, and provides one-on-one direct mentoring for individuals of all backgrounds and levels globally.

Contact Doug directly to discover how mentoring can improve your organization.

>>  https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence

I am asked on a daily basis to respond to questions regarding mentoring, mentoring process and how mentoring can bring value to individuals and/or organizations. Here is one those questions and my response.

Q: How would you mentor a talented intern who has great potential but has difficulties in communication with other staff? The intern has difficulties with eye contact and voice projection.

Some of the difficulties that you have mentioned usually indicate a self-esteem/self-confidence issue. I have worked with people regarding their personal growth where self-esteem and self-confidence required some work. We would first work on understanding who they are –their self-worth, and would use a number of techniques to help them understand and believe in themselves.

I then focus on giving them the essential tools they need to communicate effectively. As their mentor I would be guided by their body language which can tell or confirm a story of the journey they are on. There are a number of other things that we could do to address this challenge.

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“Dear Mentor, Something is Changing…!” by Yvonne Thevenot, ICM-P, ACM-F, CCMP

Job eliminated?  Tapped for an executive appointment?  Applying for your first role?  Applying for your next role?  Declined for a role?  Starting a new role?.....  The list goes on.  As we consider these critical career moments it is almost guaranteed that if you have experienced any of these, you will recall the role of the people who helped you think through your journey, helped you stay positive and focused despite the ambiguity, and who absolutely believed in you every step of the way.  There is a strong likelihood that the people you are thinking of, are your mentors.

“How could they possibly have been my mentor?  They never once told me what I should do!”

A common myth of mentoring is that the mentor provides the answers.  The mentor somehow knows the right path for the mentee and instructs them along their journey.  The mentee, grateful for the mentor’s wisdom follows the path, and somehow magically all turns out just right.  Magical, mythical, and…not true.  A mentor in fact will guide their mentee through questions, and with thoughtful listening, support and encouragement, will help the mentee uncover the answers for themselves, framed in their goals, their values, and their personal commitment to themselves.

So why then a mentor in a time of change?

In “Employee’s Survival Guide to Change” by Jeffrey M. Hiatt, he asks the employee to ask themselves the question “what does this change mean to me?”  The power of engaging a mentor in times of change truly stems the power and simplicity of this question.  While of course someone can ask themselves this question, imagine how even more powerful this question will be coming from the voice of your mentor.  And through reflecting your thoughts back to you, allowing you to consider this question even more deeply.

1. What does this change mean to you?
2. What do you love about what this change holds in store?
3. What has you worried, or concerned?
4. How have you helped yourself explore the alternatives?
5. If you chose not to make this change, then what?

Broad-based organizational change often impacts multiple levels of the organization at the same time.  What that means then, is that just around the time that you might want to talk to your manager about the impact of a change, they are experiencing all the anxiety, ambiguity and complexity of change themselves.  A manager may have a vested personal interest in your change that may be challenging to set aside to have a mentoring discussion centered on strictly your goals.

So, if you find yourself in the middle of a change, feeling anxious, unfocused and conflicted, this is no doubt the perfect time to reach out to your mentor.  And when you do, keep these tips in mind:

1. Your mentor will guide you, ask you questions and help you think, but cannot possibly know what is “best” for you.
2. You will feel emotional: hopeful, angry, sad, excited, conflicted.  Notice and accept those emotions as expected, human, and welcome – take some deep breaths, and allow yourself to transition to a space of clarity of thought and a plan for next steps.
3. It’s ok to change your mind. As more information is available, as you transition through the change, you can fully expect your first impression or bias changes as well.  That would be reflected in your views even on as simple a question as “what does this change mean to you?”
4. Accept that information will be incomplete and do not spend “mental calories” trying to solve the unsolvable. Life is full of decisions that we make with incomplete information, accept that this might be another on that list.
5. And if you don’t have a mentor to reach out to – make the most of a journal to pose some questions for yourself and then in a thoughtful and mindful way, respond with all the honesty and candor to yourself that a mentor would demand of you.

And mentors, some tips for you:

1. Resist the urge to “tell”: be extra diligent about jotting questions down in advance and prepare your mind to listen deeply to what is being said…and not said!
2. Accept that your mentee may be emotional:  mentally prepare for this and have a plan of how you will stay in the moment, and respond.
3. Be prepared for “I don’t know” and understand that may in fact be true: your mentee simply may NOT know at that moment.  Your role is to scratch at that with the next set of probing questions such as “what additional information would be helpful?….”have you tried writing down the pros and cons”… “have you been in this position before and how did you move through it then”….
4. Support the dialogue with pro-activity: an off-cycle check-in may be just the friendly reach-out that your mentee needed…but didn’t know how to ask for.
5. Be prepared to have unfinished business: sometimes as your mentee “crosses over” into a more contented and focused state they may not even realize that you helped them get there, and you may simply stop hearing from them or being updated as they move onto the business of their future.  Understand your role on the path has been of value, and knowing that life always has more change to offer, they will no doubt be back.

Best wishes, and Happy Mentoring!

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Yvonne Thevenot – Business Effectiveness, Change Management and Performance Excellence

 Yvonne Thevenot is role model, coach, mentor and relentless advocate when it comes to business effectiveness, change management and performance excellence.  Her consulting practice draws on extensive first-hand experience in change management as a sponsor of change, business lead and change manager at both strategic and tactical levels.  With degrees from the University of Manitoba and Dalhousie University, her passion for learning contributes to professional designations as a Professional Agrologist, a Certified Financial Planner, a certified mentor and an accredited change manager from two different global organizations.  Her mentoring practice extends to a wide range of professionals in corporate, privately held, and not-for-profit businesses, in a variety of sectors, and with mentees at all stages of career.