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WOMEN AND MENTORING
I have done a number of mentoring engagements with women who aspire to roles of leadership. I wanted to share with you some thoughts and observations that I have. I have also been blessed with having had some top-notch women who were leaders who were very strong leaders to work with and who became my mentor and for that experience I am thankful.
One of the areas that I noticed that we could improve on is the “selves”. That being self, worth, self doubt, self confidence and self esteem to name but a few.
I worked with a young female potential leader who struggle with her self esteem and we worked hard at getting her on track so that she believed in herself. I would constantly remind her of how much I believed in her and that I knew that if she did much the same there was nothing we couldn’t accomplish. She doubted her ability in a number of areas and all that it took was me as her mentoring reassuring her of the potential that she had. I had her look in the mirror every morning and had her do positive affirmations and that helper her turn that corner and gave her the boost of confidence that she needed. She ended up being hired at their main office and she assumed a key role there.
One of the other female leaders that I am working with has evolved into a very strong leader. She had lots of leadership skills but we have now taken that to yet another level. I just wish that I would have had the chance to work beside her as I know that I would learn a lot from her as her mentor. It is important to note that great mentors are always open to learn from others including their mentees.
Some of the challenges that we have identified that face women in the workforce but even in the community and in their personal growth are work life balance. In some situations, it is assumed that women are the primary care givers in the home and that can be a challenge. Families where both care givers have discussed the terms of the relationship always seem to operate like a well-oiled machine sharing roles and responsibilities equally. The results in a win-win for all.
Another challenge that women face and in fact most people is the ability to communicate effectively. We look for our leaders to be active listeners – listening and hearing what is taking place in the conversation. Learning and practicing the Socratic Method of asking questions and using questions to prompt critical thinking. When used effectively and regularly it can become a way of life.
Some other areas to focus on are, personal and professional growth. I take a great deal of pride in working with women in the community, home setting and in the organization as they are consummate learners and always want to know more. They are a great fit for a mentoring relationship.
If you read this and it speaks to you, please reach out to me and we can discuss how mentoring can further your leadership potential.
If you are some one that has experienced a loss recently you may be someone that would benefit from some grief mentoring.
I look forward to talking with you in either situation as you begin your mentoring journey.
Website: https://www.talentc.ca
Email: doug.lawrence@talentc.ca
There are so many changes that have taken place or are taking place globally. We feel challenged and, in some cases, uncertain as to where we are going or how we are getting there. One thing that I find unnerving is our health and the health of our love ones. The obvious issue is our mental health and the lack of a support structure. You may be one of the fortunate ones who has a professional health resource that you can call to help you with the many challenges that you may be facing. Not everyone is that lucky. You may also have long waiting periods between appointments. All of this is part of t he mental health pandemic.
What I have found most recently is a fear to step out of the closet and ask for help. Search for that person who can walk beside you and share what each is feeling. The conversation they have with you is non-judgemental and is an integral part of their support structure. One that is kept in the strictest nature.
Having that person to walk beside you, share their lived and relevant experience will provide that bridge between appointments with professional resources to get us through to the next appointment.
What I wish was that at various stages of my life I would have had that mentor that I could count on. Instead, I had to figure out coping skills that would take that place and get me through to my next appointment. Sometimes it was an eternity till that next appointment which was a challenge by itself.
What this meant was that the coping skills were just as bad as dealing with my mental health.
Another thing that I am dealing with is two looses in my life that of my mother and my wife. They were a part of my support structure or at least my wife was and I now see how grief can be a part of your mental health challenges. Trying to seek counseling in a timely manner is over whelming as the demand for this professional help far exceeds the supply.
This is where I have found that a mentor can play an integral part of your support structure. I am working with a number of people that are either dealing with grief or some form of mental health and we are able create that bridge that gets us to the next appointment. Remember, all that it takes is to reach out and ask for help. Come out of the closet and ask for help and someone will be there.
Today there is an emptiness and it doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I miss her and wish that we were spending time together like we use to. I would even settle for quality time together raking lives before the wind blows them all over. Debra use to marvel at how everyone else’s leaves would end up in our yard and it seemed that every year we were blessed with adding yet another bag to the collection.
We got through all of that and smiled the whole time. When she got sick and we were not sure what it was that she had she kept smiling. When we wondered if raking all though leaves was part of the issue so she kept smiling. When it was painful to get out of bed in the morning she kept smiling.
This morning, I was searching for something. I wasn’t sure for what but I knew that I had to find something that I could draw on, something that would keep me smiling so I began my quest.
I started to type into my computer and sure enough that bought a glimmer of a smile to my face but it went away shortly thereafter and it was back to the beginning again back to trying to figure out what would keep me smiling.
I stumbled across a phrase, a sentence that was powerful that I had to share it with you.
https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/12311484-love-came-first-you-don-t-move-on-after-loss-but
Having lost the one that could make me smile and keep me smiling this phrase and the supporting poems has so much meaning.
Grief exists because Love existed first says it all. I think of times when Debra was sick and the one thing that kept us together, kept a smile on our face no matter how challenging and it was our love for each other. As the clock kept ticking away and she had to ensure another night of pain we knew that our love was going to keep us together. We remembered that love always exists first and is the only thing that can push all else out of the way.
Towards the end when the outcome was fairly certain I believe that I had started my grieving journey. I also knew that I would have to be strong for all and that I had this enormous amount of love which was going to guide me and be beside me on my healing journey because,
Grief Exists Because Love Existed First
When I have to deal with something that has an outcome, I wonder what value that is to me. I would like to hope that everything happens for a reason and that it is contributing to my library of lived experiences. That library can provide wisdom, knowledge and insight how things may turn out.
As a mentor and more importantly as a grief mentor tapping into what my library has to offer is important as it will drive the outcomes that I might expect. The past weeks I have had to check out a number of lived experiences for a writing project that I am doing. I must say that it was emotionally draining to say the least. Some of those experiences went back to when I was growing up. What I came to realize is that how things evolved were similar to how they evolved today. Drawing on my lived experiences resulted in similar outcomes today.
Where I find it most beneficial is when I am working with someone who is struggling with their mental health or navigating their grief journey. When I can tap into my library as I have had lived experience that I have stored in my library it helps us generate positive outcomes for my benefit but more importantly for the person I am working with. I don’t always have material I in my library but in most cases I usually do. One thing I have noticed is that lived experience is very beneficial while working in the health sector especially as a grief mentor.
Lived experience is crucial because it provides firsthand knowledge, nuance, and practical insights that statistics or academic expertise alone cannot offer. It is essential for informing effective policy, healthcare, and research by highlighting what actually matters to people.
This article is true in that having the practical experience is critical versus having only the academic knowledge. I notice that a lot when I am mentoring whether it be grief mentoring or not.
The next time something significant or not happens to you, remember to see where you are going to catalogue it in your library. Being able to catalogue it and then locate it when it comes time to use it again will help you better understand the value of lived experience and how you might use it. Your library of lived experiences – helping shape your future and how you deal with it.
Mentoring is about a two-way trusted relationship where both the mentor and mentee learn and grow on a personal and professional basis.
I have found that a good mentor will explore the mental health and well-being of their mentee as that will influence the path that you both will take. I have added to my tool kit the need to have a conversation that will touch on the mental well-being of my mentee. That determines the direction that we are going to take.
I have had some people that I have been working with and by having those discussions early in the relationship we were able to better customize the approach that we were going to take and outcomes that are better suited to what they wanted. One area that seems to require attention is grief. With all that is going on in the world today I have people reaching out for someone to walk beside them as they go on their healing journey. I know that I am still dealing with the loss of my wife, Debra and that doing it alone is not always the easiest.
I recommend that you reach out and ask for help as you do not have to travel that journey on your own. Your mentor if they have walked that same path can be a support that you never thought of.
Having a mentor with real life experience is a plus. That mentor can keep your conversation confidential. They can listen and hear and be non-judgemental. They will walk beside you and provide that comfort that you so much yearn for.
All that you need to do is reach out and say, “I need help”. A simple task but one that can change your world. Remember, “I need Help”.
It is important to a person who is struggling with their healing journey to have someone that they can turn to. I know for me that I don’t always have that feeling that there is someone standing beside me. Standing beside me is one thing but standing be side me and actually caring is another. I have watched the impact that I can have on someone if I listen and hear and demonstrate that they are important to me. I do actually care.
I am making sure that I continually check in to make sure that you are okay and not over whelmed by the process. Part of that process can be to simply ask the question – Are you getting value from the time we are together and “yes” it is okay to be emotional.
Three words that mean a lot to me are caring, calm and monitor. My practice is premised on caring for those I serve. I periodically check in to make sure you are doing okay. Asking if you are getting value from our conversation is one way
Being present but being present in a calm manner can provide you with the strength you need to move forward.
Listening is an attribute that you can use as a leader and as a grief mentor. I have always said that we listen sometimes but we don’t always hear what is being said.
You are important to me and I hope you are getting value from the time we spend together.
Grief Never Ends
It is so true that grief never ends no matter what you do. All the emotions that I have had to deal with haven’t altered the course of my healing journey. In some cases, they have made it worse. From my own lived experience and from with talking with others the message is much the same – grief never ends.
You then ask the question “then what”. Well, it changes. From my own lived experiences, I have seen the loneliness grow as grief seems to hang on to the mind, body and soul making it difficult to answer the question “then what”
Maybe the grief is the answer? You find yourself in a whole bunch of sadness and sorrow but then you turn to what you know best and that is grief. Now we look at grief as something that can get us to the point where we can maybe answer “now what?”
So, I began to realize that grief never truly ends it just changes.
Is this your story?
It doesn't have to be!
I don’t know why society has labelled us as crazy. The more that I hear that I begin to believe that maybe that is the case. Maybe I am crazy. I have days where I just want to open the door and reach out hoping that there is someone there that would take my hand and offer to help me. There is so much darkness and I don’t feel that I can navigate it on my own. I just need one person to be there for me. Today there is no one, and yesterday there was no one. I am beginning to wonder if this picture will change. Will there be that one person who cares enough to take my hand and help me out of the closet? This is what I may have to face if I do come out of my closet.
“Each year millions of Americans with mental illness struggle to find mental health care. Nearly half of the 60 million adults and children living with mental health conditions in the United States go without any treatment. People who seek treatment must navigate a fragmented and costly system full of obstacles. As a result, many people cannot access mental health care when they need it most.” (https://www.nami.org/Support-Education/Publications-Reports/Public-Policy-Reports/The-Doctor-is-Out)
“According to the World Health Organization, around 450 million people currently struggle with mental illness, making it the leading cause of disability worldwide. Here at home, it affects more than 6.7 million of us. In fact, one in two Canadians have—or have had—a mental illness by the time they reach 40 years of age.” (https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real)
“Mental illness is a leading cause of disability in this country, preventing nearly 500,000 employed Canadians from attending work each week.
All in, the economic burden of mental illness in Canada is an estimated $51 billion per year including health care costs, lost productivity and reductions in health-related quality of life.
Opioid overdoses now account for more deaths in Canada than automobile accidents.
The World Health Organization estimates one person dies by suicide every 40 seconds.
Over 4,000 Canadians die by suicide every year—an average of 11 per day.”
(https://www.camh.ca/en/driving-change/the-crisis-is-real)
We need to know that there is help there, but we do need to reach out. I know that you have reached out in the past and no one was there. The demand for resources to help you navigate your healing journey is extremely high and yet we have not done much to increase the number of support people that can be there. We are not always listening and hearing what you want – even if it is someone to talk to that will listen and hear what you are saying. Someone that is non-judgmental.
I have found that a journey mentor can be part of that support structure. They can listen and hear what you are saying and do so without passing judgment. They will walk beside you as you continue to work on the healing that needs to take place. They are the hand that you reach out for as you make that decision to begin your healing process. They care and want your well-being to be a priority.
Let your journey mentor be there for you. It is okay to reach out and say, “I need help”.
Mentoring is the practice of helping a mentee learn and grow personally and professionally while navigating through change and challenge.
There is much debate whether a mentor can be effective for their mentee if they have not already lived through a similar experience. This is called lived experience.
“Lived experience refers to a representation of the experiences and choices of a given person, and the knowledge that they gain from these experiences and choices.” (Wikipedia definition)
What do you think? Should mentors without lived experience mentor outside their experience?
My easy answer is that having industry experience is a nice to have, not a need to have; that industry specific experience is not required to bring value to the mentoring arrangement.
My longer answer is …
The primary goal for a mentor is to establish a trusted relationship with the mentee. In order to develop that level of trust the mentor utilizes the Questioning Technique (Socratic Method) by asking a series of questions about the mentee, about the organization they work for, and about the role/function they’re responsible for.
By building this level of trust the mentor demonstrates their interest in the mentee, solidifying the relationship and unlocking critical information and details to move forward in their mentoring arrangement.
My Direct Experience
I have worked with people from many different industries over the course of my career. I have had great success with individuals using the questioning technique of the Socratic Method to discover a deeper, richer understanding of who each individual is, where they work, and the challenges they face.
My own direct lived experience comes into play with being able to story tell/story share my lived experiences in order to guide my mentee along their journey. I try to make sure that my stories are relatable and provide some context for the mentee to reflect on.
Some of the outcomes that you may realize from using this technique is that your mentee may experience a higher level of self-esteem and self-confidence. Your mentee may feel safe in your presence as they reflect on the experiences that you have shared, the outcomes you realized and the impact it had on them overall. I have had mentees go back to work in a positive state of mind resulting in them being more productive.
Going into this arrangement with industry specific experience I would have had some bias that would have impacted the arrangement. I would not have made the gains in building a trusted relationship that I did without the industry specific experience. My mentee would have missed out on the reflective exercises and would not have had that sense or feeling of safety as a result of this process.
In conclusion, not having industry specific experience actually creates a deeper, richer mentoring experience for the mentee and the mentor. This is accomplished through the questioning technique as it probes deeper into the behaviors and challenges that the mentee has been exposed to. The mentor is able to get to the root cause and initiate a behavior change that results in the mentee returning to the productive employee that they were. WHY?!
If you would like to learn more about this topic contact me to set up a time for us to chat.
For more information about Mentoring Lived Experience and other Mentoring topics - feel free to set up a Zoom call at your convenience through my Calendly link; https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence
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Doug Lawrence is the founder of TalentC® and Co-founder of the International Mentor Community.
Doug leads organizations to experience the benefits how mentoring will encourage workforce culture to flow in harmony (mentors), improve productivity from employees (mentees), reducing costly employee onboarding improving the bottom line (organizations).
Doug is an International Certified Mentor, and has obtained his Certificate of Achievement – Mentoring and his Certificate of Competence – Mentor from the International Mentoring Community (IMC). Doug is currently obtaining his Certificate of Competence – Journey Mentor.
Doug’s Practice of Mentoring has resulted in his accumulation of 2,000 hours of mentoring (in person and virtual), 197 hours of speaking opportunities and 672 hours teaching others how to effectively mentor.
Doug is a volunteer mentor with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur Program in the Caribbean and with the American Corporate Partners in the United States working with military personnel in their transition from military life to civilian life. Doug is currently working with researchers to examine the role of mentoring as a support for those struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His experience in law enforcement coupled with working with people suffering from PTSD has afforded him a unique view of mentoring and PTSD.
Doug is an international speaker and author about all facets of Mentoring. He published “The Gift of Mentoring” in 2014 with his second book set to publish in 2020.
Doug works with organizations to establish mentoring programs, influence mentoring as a culture, and provides one-on-one direct mentoring for individuals of all backgrounds and levels globally.
Contact Doug directly to discover how mentoring can improve your organization.
>> https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence
Making Sense of Self Isolation Mandates and Sudden Mass Lay-Offs
We live during an unprecedented global pandemic. Many employees of organization big and small are in flux, feeling the impact of uncertainty, anxiety, and a sense of loss of control. Disruption and doubt are their new routine.
The employees in my mentoring circles are experiencing stress at a level they have never been subjected to before. For others unable to cope with mounting stress and uncertainty, if left unchecked, have the potential to develop symptoms far more serious than ever before, and without resources required to support them.
We also understand that Employers, HR, and C-Suite are under similar stressors for different reasons. It is not just the ones who are at the working level who are under pressure, but also the senior executives of a company too might have to undergo a lot of stress during these trying times, which have led to physical and mental ailments. These problems could potentially lead to bigger consequences, leading to the disruption of business as well. For cases such as this, business owners could opt to get key person insurance for the employees who they deem to be essential for the company.
To be fair, organizations have no policy or process to counter the COVID-19 and no lead time to address it at the expense of their employees because nobody saw this pandemic coming. No one had the support structure in place to deal with post-traumatic stress caused by the mass employee layoffs and the sudden skeleton crews.
Perhaps, if the wellness and healthy lifestyle of the employees were kept in check with group health insurance jacksonville fl or similar other health insurance, the companies could have tackled the times better. This could have also helped in improving employee morale and decreasing employee absenteeism.
Employee Compared to Organization Perspective:
Currently, employees are experiencing high anxiety and stress with the uncertainty.
In just a few weeks, concern replaces confidence that their employment will resume when the threat is over. They have no assurances their job will be waiting for them once the situation normalizes. Many employees are not eligible for short-term employment, but they still must feed their families. There is still no end-date on the duration for self-isolation and social distancing. Employees are beginning to lose hope, affecting not only their physical health, but their mental health as well. Many already:
The reality is employee health is declining from mass stress and anxiety.
The question is, what resources can organizations put in place to assure employees?
Currently, organizations are in a state of flux.
Organizations want to continue providing services, products, and programs to their customers. They want to continue providing for their employees. However, organizations struggle to provide either with the constantly changing landscape. Organizations are severely limited by the bottom line. To keep their doors open and the lights on, is sometimes at the cost of employee's financial, physical, and mental well-being.
Expectation over the next One to Three (1 to 3) Months:
Well into the pandemic (one to three months in) employee stress levels mount with continuing unemployment and the funds to support their families running out. Employees scramble to figure out when their funds will run out. They hope that the supply chains continue to provide the necessities.
Most organizations may have viewed the global pandemic as being something short lived. As a result, organization may fall short continuing to provide services, products, and programs to clients and their employees. Some organizations especially the small to medium sized will struggle most and face the tough decision whether to finally fold or continue to struggle to remain solvent.
Contemplating the future does not appear bright.
However, there will be an end to the pandemic. There will be a new norm and a sudden swarm of available jobs.
This unprecedented situation does provide a unique opportunity for organizations to pause and consider, evaluate, and prioritize their challenges. They can use this downtime to revise old systems and integrate new solutions for the future.
Including effective mentoring at this stage will assist organizations by providing the support and the resources employees desperately need.
A program that trains mentors on the process of working with struggling employees will yield better physical and mental stability to addressing feelings of anxiety, periods of stress, and get them past dark or negative thoughts.
Several recruiters also seem to be seeking graduates in Clinical Exercise Prescription. This can be because these graduates would be able to prescribe exercise as a part of the healthcare treatment regime for their employees. Moreover, the exercises recommended by experts might be helpful for the employees in overcoming stress and anxiety.
Therefore, it is never too late to bring in a qualified mentor (or other experts) to start the healing process. Now is the time to put effective mentoring to work to create that workplace (however virtual) to focus on the work community and ensuring employees' well-being.
If you want more information of how your organization can get support through effective mentoring, don't hesitate to book an appointment >> https://calendly.com/doug-lawrence
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Doug Lawrence is the founder of TalentC and Co-founder of the International Mentor Community.
Doug leads organizations to experience the benefits how mentoring will encourage workforce culture to flow in harmony (mentors), improve productivity from employees (mentees), reducing costly employee onboarding improving the bottom line (organizations).
Doug is an International Certified Mentor Practitioner (ICMP), an International Certified Mentor Facilitator (ICMF), and has obtained his Certificate of Achievement – Mentoring and his Certificate of Competence – Mentor from the International Mentoring Community (IMC).
Doug's Practice of Mentoring has resulted in his accumulation of 2,000 hours of mentoring (in person and virtual), 197 hours of speaking opportunities and 672 hours teaching others how to effectively mentor.
Doug is a volunteer mentor with the Sir Richard Branson Entrepreneur Program in the Caribbean and with the American Corporate Partners in the United States working with military personnel in their transition from military life to civilian life. Doug is currently working with researchers to examine the role of mentoring as a support for those struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). His experience in law enforcement coupled with working with people suffering from PTSD has afforded him a unique view of mentoring and PTSD.
Doug is an international speaker and author about all facets of Mentoring. He published "The Gift of Mentoring" in 2014 with his second book set to publish in 2020.
Doug works with organizations to establish mentoring programs, influence mentoring as a culture, and provides one-on-one direct mentoring for individuals of all backgrounds and levels globally.
Contact Doug directly to discover how mentoring can improve your organization.