No matter what type of relationship we are talking about, trust is key to the success and sustainability of that relationship. Building a trusted relationship is a transferable skill that you can use in a mentoring process, in the work place and in your personal life as well. It sounds as though this is something that is relatively easy to do – but unfortunately it is not. It does require work for both parties involved in the relationship. “Trust emerges slowly and tentatively from experiences that create the conditions for it.”

Recently I had a first meeting with a person that I am now building a trusted mentoring relationship with. The fact that we had agreed to meet in person was not so much trusting each other but exploring what a relationship might look like. Would there be chemistry, would the person actually be interested in the conversation. Did they appear to have an outcome that they were looking for from our time together?

I am a firm believer that some people are very adept at building relationships and even trusted relationships in a compressed period of time. The level of trust may vary from relationship to relationship but I do believe that it can be done. I also believe that some people have a natural calming influence of a conversation or situation that puts others at ease and provides them with the environment where they feel safe. Creating that safe environment for others is critical no matter what environment you are building the relationship in.

With the person that I met with last week and shared some time with we were able to develop a level of trust quickly which allowed us to explore some things that were needed in order to take the relationship and the level of trust to the next level. We needed to explore how they saw themselves as compared to how I saw them. They were self-destructing as they did not believe in their capabilities and who they are as a person. Without a certain level of trust in place we would not be able to begin that discussion.

I have had experiences where I was unable to get inside the inner circle and build that trust. In those experiences the individuals came from a place where trust was not evident in their upbringing. They were most definitely disengaged from the process of building a relationship. How does one work through those situations? Building that trust is the first priority – if you don’t have trust you don’t have a relationship. One of the things that I have found with building trusting relationships is that I have to allow them to evolve. Setting expectations for the person that I am spending time with is not the answer. Attempting to impose my expectations and/or standards is not the answer. Taking time to understand the person, their challenges and what they hope to get from the relationship is the answer or at least is part of the answer.

From my perspective two things are critical in a mentoring relationship. The first is building the relationship and it is a relationship that is wrapped in trust. The second is effective communication. Effective communication is also tied to your ability to build trust. How you deliver your messages can build or destroy trust. It is something that some of the “leaders” I have worked with could have taken lessons on!

If you are struggling with building a mentoring relationship today, please feel free to reach out to me and I would be honored to spend some time with you to work through your challenge. Together there is nothing that we cannot do!

References:
1. http://www.search-institute.org/blog/developing-trust-in-mentoring